Boundaries: the Antidote to Fall Busyness

And...we’re back. Just like that, it’s FALL again. Kids are going back to school (which is scary and exciting), activities are ramping up, work is busier, and all while nothing is really back to normal, many of us are working from home, Delta is rampant and everything is uncertain.

That’s a lot. It’s extra stress on top of regular fall stress. I am hearing it in my clients voices as they list all the things they’re worried about and everything on their to-do lists that they should do.

And while I am right there with you on the transition from summer to fall, here’s what I’ve learned the hard way:

Busyness keeps you from fully living your life

I have a tendency to say yes to too many things. In part because I love learning; and in part because for years I had trouble saying no and putting boundaries on spending my time doing what I value. I will still sometimes find myself super busy and say (usually out loud in an exasperated tone): 

“WHY AM I SO BUSY HELPING EVERYONE ELSE?!?”

My answer is always, always, “Because you said yes to too many things.”

Right. Crap. I said yes to too many things.

Does this ever happen to you? 

You might be languishing

When you’re too busy helping others with all the things, you aren’t living your life. You might be what Adam Grant calls languishing instead of flourishing or thriving. Here’s an online flourishing quiz developed by Harvard’s Human Flourishing Program. See where you fall on their scale. 

When I am too busy, I lose myself, I stop being able to fully feel my emotions, I have trouble slowing down, my anxiety increases.

So, how to move from busyness to flourishing?

Boundaries, my friends.

Boundaries tell you and others what you value. 

Boundaries are empowering. 

Boundaries are how we take care of ourselves.

Boundaries are the key to flourishing.

Here’s how to set boundaries.

  • Think about what you want to change. Stop saying yes? Go to bed earlier? Meditate consistently? Check email less? Spend evenings with your family? Write more during the work day? Paint? Make a list, and pick one to start.

  • Know your “why”. Why do you want to make this change? When you make the change, what will it give you? For example, I go to bed by 10pm because then I have energy for the next day (and I am a MESS when I’m tired. Ask my family). Or, I write in the mornings because that is when I have the most energy. Or, I spend evenings with my family because they ground me. Or, my schedule is full, I will not take on any new work or projects until I have room.

  • Determine your obstacle(s). What gets in your way of doing this thing? Always in meetings, making lunches, bingeing White Lotus, sucked into a social media vortex.  Be specific. Sometimes your obstacle will be your own brain telling you that you will let other people down if you don’t do the thing. Guess what? It’s not true. It’s just a thought. Not all thoughts are true. (We can work on this in coaching)

  • Decide what you will do instead. Instead of watching IG Reels of adorable puppies, I will turn off my phone and start getting ready for 10pm bedtime at 9:30. Instead of answering a few more emails, I will shut down my computer and hang with my family. 

  • Tell other people. Telling someone else your new boundary helps your accountability and increases your chance of success.

  • Do the thing. Go to bed at 10:00. Sit and meditate at 7am. Breathe before responding to your boss. Stop checking email after 6pm. Play the piano after work to relax. Whatever it is that you want to start, do it.

  • Plan to fail. You will sometimes not hold your boundary. Don’t beat yourself up. Start again the next day. And, every time you uphold your boundary, you empower yourself to do it again. Each time it gets a little easier. Eventually it feels a-w-e-s-o-m-e.

When you’re tempted to apologize for your new boundaries or make accommodations, remember that “No.” is a complete sentence. “No, I cannot meet at that time.” Not, “Well, that’s my writing time, but I guess I could meet if it’s only 30 minutes.” Nope. Stick to your boundaries. Say no to busyness. 

You are always at a choice point. Choose what moves you closer to flourishing.

As always, I am here if you need help.


Patty FIrst