My Journey

We are all on a journey.  Let me tell you a little about mine.
For most of my life, three things were constant:

1. An instinctive commitment to social justice;

2. The belief that we are all connected, and that those connections can help us heal; and

3. Deep, sometimes immobilizing anxiety.

According to my parents, I started speaking out about social justice from almost the moment I could talk. I progressed from “That’s not fair, Mom!” to middle school petitions to high school antiapartheid protests. After college, I moved to DC, focused on immigration and civil rights advocacy and strategy, and have made a pretty successful career out of helping nonprofits with their social justice campaigns. 

Along the way, I met my husband, got married, bought a house, had two boys, and got a dog (the only one in my family who will reliably show up for group photos).

But that isn’t the whole story.  All that time, I was also struggling with crushing anxiety. 

My anxiety - grown since birth - could get so overwhelming that my brain literally took me down. You know the phrase fight, flight, freeze or faint? Well, that’s exactly what my anxiety would tell my body to do: Faint. Not a particularly convenient response, but it was my brain’s hard reset.

I’ve passed out everywhere. Singing in a church choir performance when I was nine. On my wedding day. On Capitol Hill. At holiday dinners. At other people’s weddings. In unfamiliar locations. Even the West Wing of the White House.

Do you know what happens when you have paralyzing anxiety and are working long hours for social justice? Total burnout meltdown. By the time I was 32, I was a mess. Exhausted, always sick, a total stress basket of anxious thoughts and anxious energy, trying to make everyone happy except myself.

With every anxiety attack, every time I laid on a floor waiting for one to pass, a tiny voice inside me said, “There’s a better way to live.” Finally, I listened to that little voice. I got help.

First, from a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist and anti-anxiety medication. Then I started working with a life coach, Natalie, to explore myself and the roots of my anxiety. Anxiety can come from lots of places, but I realized that mine stems from deep-seeded perfectionism. Brene Brown says, “You can’t ever do anything brave, if you’re wearing the straitjacket of ‘What will people think?’” Perfectionism is a straightjacket.

I was ready to find a better way. To take off the straightjacket, I needed to unwind and challenge decades of my thoughts and beliefs; I needed new habits and ways of viewing the world. Slowly, I created new boundaries in my life and found daily practices that work for me. I’m still working on it. But one day I realized that I hadn’t passed out in months. And then it became years. And now my anxiety level is so low that I could not raise it high enough to pass out if I tried.

Guess what’s taken anxiety’s place? Freedom. Bravery to speak my mind. A deep knowing that what I put out into the world is good for the world, even when it’s not perfect.

I coach because I think most of hear that little voice telling us that there’s a better way, a better world. I want to help you find it.