In 2023, when I was 52, I was diagnosed with ADHD. 

I have talked for years to doctors, therapists, coaches, nutritionists, even an ADHD doctor (important side note: he was a male doctor) about my fatigue, anxiety, GI issues, and struggle to complete things. I’ve been told to get more sleep, meditate, go to therapy, change my diet, and generally be and/or do less. 

I’ve also been told it wasn’t ADHD because I’m so…[fill in the blank - organized/together/smart (I know - that one makes my blood boil)/neat/not scattered] and all sorts of other stereotypes. I even got this from an ADHD doctor!

And I kept saying, okay, but I’ve done all the things for years and, while they help a lot, it doesn’t seem to be enough. Something is not right because I don’t feel the way I think I should feel.

Years and years and years of this same conversation. 

Finally, I found someone who did not dismiss my symptoms, and explained to me how ADHD shows up differently in women. It was a relief when she called with my diagnosis, which she said was not even a close call. And it was an even bigger relief to find out that all of the other things I’ve been experiencing are all - every single one - symptoms of ADHD.

Many of my coaching clients are also advocates for other people, but are still learning how to be their own advocate. Advocacy is exhausting - especially advocating for yourself because all sorts of feelings come up and other people sometimes intentionally or unintentionally gaslight you (“Doesn’t everyone struggle with those things?” “That’s not how I experience you.”). This is especially true for women and a million times more true for women of color; study after study shows women are not listened to by the health professions. So this is a reminder that it’s okay to be tired. The system sucks and is designed to keep us tired. Don’t buy into the system. When you know something is wrong, keep asking until you find someone who will listen.

Speak up when you need more or different tools. If something we try in coaching doesn’t work for you, tell me. We can talk through all your limiting beliefs about finding work you love, but if the real issue is something else, say it. I’ve learned over the past few months that I need some different support than what I’ve been doing, and much of it is about subtracting things, not adding more tools. 

So if you feel like you’re doing all the things and still not moving forward, or you’re having problems getting started, let’s talk about it. And if you’re neurodiverse like me, I get it. I won’t dismiss you. I also won’t tell you what you really need - only you can do that - but I will help you uncover it.