Tempest Fugit
Well. It’s happened. Last Sunday. The time storm that is September met the reality of my life and I had a m-e-l-t-d-o-w-n.
This happens to me every September. Way back in August the crazy September schedule seemed do-able. After all, our family can do hard things. We freaking specialize in hard things! Band practice from 4:30-6:00; soccer from 6-7:30. No problem! We’ll pack a bento box to eat in the car. I am a planner. I have that shit ORGANIZED!
And then...chaos. Tempus Tempest. A time storm. Because in all that planning, I forgot a major lesson that I’ve learned: When I say yes to something, I am saying no to something else.
In this case, what I was saying no to was me. I was saying no to the things that bring me joy; that restores my energy; that keeps me going; that keeps me able to use my energy to help others. I felt depleted, exhausted, cranky like I was getting sick, and basically completely overwhelmed.
I realized pretty quickly what was happening (thanks to body awareness coaching!). September is a hard adjustment. It’s a month of both growth and death; beginnings and endings. School starts - brand new beginnings. Summer ends; leaves and plants begin drying up and dropping. It’s a transition time and it helps to remember to think of it in that way. It’s a month when time and schedules are shaken up and rearranged; making it feel a bit like you’re in a snow globe. I hate feeling like I’m in a snow globe.
Here’s the truth about time: Our concept of time is a construct. As Carlo Rovelli explains in his excellent book, “The Order of Time” (sooo good!), time passes differently depending on where you are. For example, time passes more quickly on top of a mountain than it does at sea level. Earth is a giant mass that slows down time the closer something is to the center of it. Sea level is closer to Earth’s center than a mountain top; so time is slower at sea level. For hundreds of years, we recognized these slight differences in time - clocks in one town showed different times than clocks in towns 100 miles away. Time was not standard. Standardized time (and the creation of time zones) was developed in 1883 to synchronize train schedules. For real. It is a construct that came about through a compromise.
Then along came Einstein, who taught us not only that time as we think of it is all relative, but time and space are really an intertwined fabric that moves and undulates according to where it is (on Earth, in space, at a mountain top, etc) and according to what is happening to it.**
What if instead of relying on our constructed view of time, we tuned into the time of nature and the time of Einstein? Here’s what I mean. Nature has cycles of time. There are seasons. Each season not only has different weather but different energy. Fall, for example, is a time where nature finishes what it started in the spring as it prepares to rest and restore in the winter (anyone else feels the need to finish projects in the fall? I do!). The ebb and flow of tides and the moon cycle are natural cycles. There’s our circadian rhythms - our natural response to light and temperature. It’s the 24-hour clock that runs behind the scenes and tells us - if we listen to it - when we’re tired, when it’s time to wake up, etc. There are times of the day when we feel more energized, and times when we do not.
Our experience of time also changes depending on what we are doing. Have you ever noticed how quickly time passes when you are doing something you enjoy, and how that makes you feel? Versus the slowness of time when you try to crank out one last memo at 10 pm, or the way time passes when you just meant to check social media quickly before bed and now it’s 1 am and you feel like you’ve wasted three hours?
How do we harness all this time knowledge to make it work for us? We tune in to what our bodies are telling us. We listen. And we adjust accordingly.
Step One: Do an energy audit. Not, not of your house, although that’s good too. Do an audit of what gives you energy and what depletes you. Be honest. Sometimes what you want to give you energy (like spending time with your kids), actually does not. That’s okay. I often need time to myself to restore, and I’m better able to parent when I give myself that time.
Notice if there are certain times of day where you naturally have more energy.
Notice what happens when you try to power through when you have no energy. For example, I am a morning person; I have more energy in the morning. When I try to stay up late, it has consequences. I feel terrible and foggy the next day, and need a whole day to recover.
Step Two: Listen to your body. What is your body telling you? This weekend, my body was screaming, “STOP! You have no energy! You are cranky with everyone!” This is a big red flag for me. I stopped and tuned in (meditation is a great way to do this). My body told me to take a nap, and then rework my schedule to add in things that restore my energy (like alone time, writing, actually going to bed on time) and remove things that do not give me energy (helping with homework, social media, staying up late to finish work).
Step Three: Use this information to make choices about how you spend your time. Sometimes these choices are uncomfortable and go against an identity we wish we had. I wish I was a parent who liked to help her kids with homework. But the truth is that it stresses me out. A lot. And it’s at the end of the day when I am not at my best. So, I mostly hand this off to others who are better able to deal (huge thank you here to my spouse), or I help in the mornings when I am fresh and patient.
As you do this reordering of your own time, thoughts about how you should spend your time will inevitably rise up in protest. You will know because those thoughts almost always have “should” somewhere in them (“A good mother should help her kids with homework.”). Thank those thoughts for their input and stick with what your body and your inner wisdom are telling you. Steer towards what gives you energy. Steer towards doing your most creative work at the times you feel most creative. Steer towards doing things that require energy at the times when you have the most energy. Steer towards restoring practices at times when you have less energy.
It won’t always be smooth sailing, but the waters will be calmer and you will feel better able to deal with the waves when they come instead of letting them wreck your ship in a storm.
Happy sailing!
XO,
Patty
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