Change is messy. Embrace it.

Almost every client comes to me wanting change. Change jobs, change careers, change something about your life, change the way you lead, change your priorities. Lots and lots of change. Sometimes it’s change we want (like a job that makes us happy), and sometimes it’s change we really do not want (like a pandemic).

Here’s the thing about change: first it’s scary, then it’s messy as hell, and then it’s beautiful. The trick is to embrace the scary and messy so that you can get to the beautiful.

Change is Scary

Remember the mold in my basement? Ugh. It’s a good illustration of this change cycle, so bear with me. 

When we first learned about the mold and the massive remediation and renovation we needed to do, it was scary. So much money. 15-years of stuff to sort and move (because, as we all know, the basement is where house stuff goes to die). No idea where the water is coming from that’s created the mold. No idea how much mold there was or the effect it’s had on our health. Scary stuff.

Maybe you’ve faced a similar scary feeling when you’ve realized you need to leave your job, or you aren’t happy being a lawyer/organizer/policy analyst/chef/photographer/[insert your career here]? Or you know that something has to change but you aren’t sure what. Or you’re scared that if you change one thing, there’s a chance that everything will unravel.

That’s scary stuff. The scary feeling keeps us stuck in place. 

We tell ourselves it’s fine. It’s just a little water damage. We’ll fix it eventually.

We ignore that nagging feeling that maybe this isn’t what you’re meant to do, or maybe there’s a better way to live your life. It’s fine. We’ll just stay busy and try not to think about it.

And you can live like that if you want to. But please answer this first:

What is it costing you to not change?

What is the life you want to live instead?

My friends, the cost is high. 

We could technically have lived with the mold, but it would only get worse and eventually it would seriously affect our health. And that’s way too high a cost.

What is not changing costing you? Be honest. This is a tough conversation to have with yourself. 

Change is Messy

People generally reach out to me for coaching when they’ve realized the cost of not changing is far greater than the cost of changing. Even with this realization, change is still scary and hard and can be very, very messy because ultimately you’re destroying something that you think keeps you safe, but does not make you happy - whether it’s a job or your marriage or prioritizing others over yourself. 

In any change cycle, there’s a phase that’s like cleaning out a barn where it feels like you are shoveling endless amounts of shit (for anyone who has never done this - it’s as gross as it sounds).

We are at the messy point in our basement mold journey. We’ve cleaned out all the stuff (a massive project) and the basement has been destroyed. Our house is full of boxes. Only a few rooms are fully usable. We have no access to laundry. It’s not terribly fun. 

Maybe the messy for you is quitting your job, or taking a leap into something you think you might love, but aren’t sure it will work out. Messiness can show up as fear that you won’t make money, or worry that things won’t work out.

Here’s how to help yourself through the mess: assemble your helpers. 

We aren’t doing our basement alone - we have contractors and waterproofers and landscape engineers, mold specialists and an interior designer friend who can help us see the possibilities amid the destruction. 

Who can help you through the messiness of the change you’re seeking? Your friends? Your partner? A coach? A financial or business advisor? A therapist? Someone who’s made a similar change? Make a list of your squad. 

Then reach out and tell them the change you’re going to make and the support you would like from them. They can listen, advise, and help you plan and see possibilities where you might only see mess. They will extend a rope to guide you through.

Change is beautiful

Envision life on the other side of this change. 

Remember, you are destroying the old to make space for something new. When you think about making it to the other side of this change, what is it like? How do you feel? What do you see? Sense it with all five senses. Imagine yourself in your new life. What are you doing in that new life? How does your day flow? Write down what came up. 

Begin to turn toward this vision. 

Start to take steps (sometimes tiny, sometimes big) toward this vision. On the other side of our mold remediation will be a beautiful, clean, organized basement with new floors and new furniture where our kids can hang with their friends and we can work out. Taking steps toward that vision (like ordering furniture and decluttering) feels really, really good, and helps me be less stressed that everything is a mess right now. The mess is temporary. It will pass.

If you have that nagging feeling that something needs to change, embrace the fear and messiness and we’ll figure out a way through. 

Remember: 

Your old self isn’t serving you. It’s time to make room for your new life.

Let’s get to the other side together.