Why we are weary

Last weekend, we found out that our basement has more extensive water and mold issues than we thought. In the two-day gap between a very thorough, but seriously drama-prone mold inspector* and more calming basement contractors, what did this positive-psychology trained coach do? 

I despaired and thought of every worst-case scenario. I had intense anxiety dreams. I woke up having a panic attack at 4:00am. 

Why? Because I am weary. I am frankly feeling just done with everything. And I know you’re feeling it too because ALL of my clients have mentioned it.

We’re done with:

  • Covid

  • School disruptions

  • Omicron December holidays

  • Book bans

  • Canceled busses

  • Working from home

  • Trying to explain white supremacy…again

  • Blursday

  • Waiting for Dems to get it together and govern better

  • Not seeing friends

  • Patriarchy

And so much more!

My anxiety went sky high over our basement because it’s about the foundation of our house. My brain said, “What if our foundation is rotten? Will our house fall down?”

What if our foundation is rotten?

I think that at the root of our collective weary is a worry that things are rotting - our society, our democracy, our schools, our climate, our ability to have rational conversations with neighbors and family.

We have been hunkered down for three years, trying to hang on until…schools reopen, the virus goes away, people stop yelling. 

In our junior year of Covid, we are not just tired; we’re weary of the rot. 

It can feel overwhelming at a deep, soul level.

It is okay to be overwhelmed. It’s a perfectly natural response. It’s a signal of stress. And, like rot, it needs to be addressed. We need to talk about it and take active measures to shore up our foundations. 

Know this: You cannot “get it together and push through” this. That’s not the way this kind of stress works.

We can adapt and live with uncertainty for a little while, but at a certain point, it cannot be sustained. Just like an overstretched rubber band, we will break if we do not relieve the pressure. I don’t want that for you - or me - so let’s do something to change it.

Okay, how do we not break?

  • Befriend uncertainty. Yes, I know, this one is really hard. I like control just as much as you! And, I also know that nothing is certain. Ever. When you learn to ride the waves instead of trying to fight them, you can surf and find joy in being in the water. A few tools can help you befriend uncertainty. One is mindfulness meditation - the more you tune into what’s going on inside, the more you learn to stay in the present moment and ride the waves of what comes next. The second is doing things that inspire awe and wonder. Look at the night sky, watch a movie about mountains or nature, go for a hike; anything to remind you of our larger planet or our common humanity. 

  • Give up. It’s okay to be done; to stop doing. Maybe the pre-pandemic standards you were holding yourself to don’t work anymore. It is 100% okay to not be the parent you think you “should” be; to cancel a meeting and take a nap; to set boundaries on your time so that you can do what you actually want to do instead of what others expect of you. Give up what is not serving you right now. The world has changed. Change with it instead of fighting the change. 

  • Reframe what you’re giving up. You always have a choice. You have agency. Instead of berating yourself for giving up, reframe that thought to “I choose not to”. Even better, “I choose not to because….” Maybe you choose not to because you need more rest, or you don’t want to do that thing, or your schedule doesn’t actually work for your life right now, or you can’t do your job the way you once did without burning out.  Pick something you don’t want to do anymore and think about why you don’t want to do it. Then fill in this sentence: “I choose not to do _______ because ________ and ________.”

  • Visualize what you want instead. What can you choose to do that serves you better? The answer may cause some anxiety. That’s okay. Notice the thoughts that come up and whether those thoughts have the word “should” in them. That’s a signal you’re doing it for someone else, or out of obligation, rather than for yourself. 

  • Take action. Taking action helps you to pivot from a feeling of helplessness and overthinking to an active energy that moves you forward. Action can look different depending on what you need. Maybe for you action means taking a nap because you’re tired, or blocking time on your calendar to think, or canvassing voters or organizing a rally. Pick an action and take it.

  • Seek help. Help comes in many forms: contractors, mold experts, therapists, coaches, your best friend. Here’s the thing, when you expose the rot and fix it, you get stronger. But you probably need someone to help hold up the walls, or repair the electrical system.

As a coach, I help my clients find the rot, clean it out and visualize life on the other side and the path to get there. Let’s buy some lumber, put on our hazmat suits and get started building a new foundation. I’ll get my tool belt. And some snacks. We always need snacks.

XO,

Patty

* Seriously, as I typed that second sentence, the mold inspector called me again.


Patty FIrst