10 Promises to be a Better Human

I’ve been on a bit of a self-imposed social media break. Partly as an act of self-care - I sometimes find social media engagement saps my energy, so I am careful with how I engage. And also because I have been learning and listening and thinking about what I want to say in this moment as a white person who swims in the water of privilege. 

As a coach, I try to use my voice to help others. But moving from a racial justice ally to accomplice to co-conspirator is a largely inward journey. It is one without mile-markers because you do not bestow titles like ally or co-conspirator on yourself. You must earn them in others’ eyes by doing your own hard and necessary work. It’s not about what you think you deserve and it’s not a destination to which you can arrive; it’s about what you do to personally acknowledge your role in upholding and benefitting from systemic racism. Then you have to actively work to change those systems to new ones where you - as a white person - give up your power. This is constant, continual work.

In that vein, here are 10 promises I am making on my journey to, as Austin Channing Brown puts it, “be a better human to other humans.”

In an effort to be a better human to other humans, I will:

  1. Practice WAIT before speaking. I was introduced to this fabulous acronym two weeks ago. WAIT stands for, “Why Am I Talking right now?” Before speaking, I will ask myself this question and see what comes up.

  2. I will ask myself why I want to speak. If I get a hint of needing praise or wanting others to see me, I will put myself in a performative time out. I will sit with discomfort instead of speaking. 

  3. I will center Black voices and stories - particularly the voices of Black women - in my writing, posts, shares and reposts (once I figure out Repost).

  4. I will challenge myself to do better every day and I will provide resources and examples to my white friends. When I tell my own stories, it will be in service of helping others and not at the expense of others’ stories.

  5. I will not ask any Black person - or any indigenous person or person of color - for help in this endeavor. This is my work to do; not theirs.

  6. I will accept criticism and correction with gratitude and grace because it helps me learn (and unlearn).

  7. I will keep reading, learning and challenging my thinking. And not through white girl book clubs.

  8. I will share my learning with my white family so that the next generation does better than me.

  9. I will fail. I will say the wrong thing. I will re-learn lessons over and over again. I will keep trying. 

  10. I will not treat this as a moment in time, but as daily work for the rest of my days.

This is not an exhaustive list of promises. I expect to add more as I grow. We all need to start somewhere. For my white friends, where will you start? For my friends of color, sit back, rest, have us do the work for a change.

XO,

Patty

P.S. Here are ways to reach me. Email me to get in touch, set up some time to chat or PM me @pattyfirstcoaching on Instagram.

Patty FIrst