Let it Flow — Patty First Coaching, LLC

Lately, I’ve found myself crying during meditation. One minute I’ll be concentrating on my breath and then next minute giant tears start rolling down my cheeks.

Under the tears are feelings. Big feelings. Sadness. Grief. Fear. Sadness for our world, grief for those who are sick or have died from COVID-19, fear for what small businesses and nonprofits are facing, grief for all the ways our lives have changed and will change.

I’ve welcomed the tears; even rejoiced in them.

In past chapters of my life, I would have pushed the grief away. Maybe let myself cry for a minute, but then stuffed them down and then soldiered on. Compartmentalize. But I know from experience that type of behavior leads to dissociation; to a numbing inability to feel a full range of emotions. And I don’t want to live like that again. I want to live life fully. To experience the highs and lows. I want to be in the flow of my emotions.

We - especially those of us who identify as women - are taught from a young age that we can only feel certain emotions - only the acceptable ones like love and contentment. We aren’t allowed to fully feel the “bad” emotions like anger, or rage, or deep sadness. I cannot count the number of times I’ve been asked to push my emotions aside and stop being so sensitive, or to smile more, or to go pull myself together, or to make others comfortable when I’m not in the mood to do so. This is definitely not being in flow with your emotions.

Emotions are meant to move - to ebb and flow like all other natural things in our world. When we don’t let our emotions flow, they get stuck and we experience all kinds of problems. Illness, addiction, chronic pain, disassociation, numbing out, anxiety, insomnia.

Karla McLaren, in her excellent book, “ The Language of Emotions” describes it this way: “We fight the idea of flow; we relegate certain elements and intelligences to the deep shadow, squelch the flows we can control and attempt to live in a benumbed version of peace and quiet as tension piles up inside us. We get knocked over by physical pains and symptoms, when simply listening to our bodies could help calm them.”

Truthfully, being in the flow sucks. A lot. It’s painful and raw. It’s messy. We fall apart. We cry. We scream. We rage. We’re not nice. We make others uncomfortable. Being in flow with your emotions is downright counter cultural.

But on the other side of that discomfort is a kind of peace. And the ability to feel other emotions like joy, love and gratitude.

When my emotions get big, here’s what I do: I go into the emotion and let it get bigger. I let it take over my whole body. I imagine that I am a container and even if my emotions fill up the container, it won’t break. Then I thank the emotion for being part of me. For example, I’ll thank fear for protecting me and reminding me to be safe. Or I’ll thank grief for allowing me to remember people and things I love. This practice helps the emotion flow and move and eventually move out of my body instead of getting stuck.