You Need a Surge Protector
I have a confession. I am tired. Like bone-weary tired.
By the time you read this, I will have returned from four work trips in four weeks (which is why there was no June blog or newsletter). I’ve been traveling around, speaking and facilitating, two things I truly love. Normally, connecting with people gives me energy. I love it so much that I’m developing a whole program to help us reconnect after these two-plus years of being apart (It’s called Reconnect; more on that soon!).
But after each trip this month, I was EXHAUSTED. After two trips in a row, I didn’t feel myself again for five days. And then…Dobbs, which I’m still processing and can’t bring myself to write about yet. And Highland Park.
All of it makes me feel flattened and devoid of energy. Not to mention all the stages of grief (again; still processing).
I felt like an extension cord with too many things plugged into it that sends off random electrical sparks and threatens to catch fire.
Maybe you’re feeling this way too?
Luckily, I’m not only a coach, but benefit from regular coaching, self-coaching and therapy. So, I can see all the signs of an electrical meltdown.
I realized that what I need is a personal surge protector.
You all know surge protectors - those things you plug electronics into that cut off the connection if there’s a power surge to protect your expensive computer and TV. Well, I am building one for myself that protects my energy level from power surges. You might want one too.
The first step is to determine how much you’ve overloaded.
How many things, metaphorically, do you have plugged in that are using your energy?
What is it for you? How much energy are you using? This will tell you how big of a surge protector your need.
For me, this month, it was as if I was using every plug and then had plugged in some extra extension cord to try to use more energy. The whole thing was ready to blow. Mammoth-sized surge protector for me, please.
Just like an electrical circuit, when you’re using all your physical and mental energy, you cannot handle another surge, like work travel, losing your rights, or senseless loss of life. When you have no energy left, your body will respond with a hard reset.
Don’t be afraid of the hard reset. You know when your body has had e-n-o-u-g-h and it tells you to sleep immediately? Or you get sick during a time when you’ve been really stressed. That’s your body saying, “I need to rest now, thank you very much. No, I mean RIGHT NOW.”
Do not try to power through the hard reset. You’ll just make it worse and last longer. Do what your body is telling you it needs. Go to bed. Cancel your meetings. Let someone else make dinner. Cocoon into your blankets and sleep.
Recognize your brain has changed. Your brain is not the same as it was before Covid; we can’t switch and multitask the way we used to. We are not returning to our old lives; we’re becoming something different.
Here’s a little brain science to explain what I mean, because you all know how much I adore brain science.
We are meant to connect and be in community as others. It’s how we evolved as humans. As Brené Brown says, we are wired for belonging. When we were early humans, if we didn’t live in community with others, we were more likely to die. We couldn’t survive on our own. So we formed communities and we formed connections.
The need for connection is hard wired into our brains.
One reason the pandemic has been so mentally exhausting is because our brains that crave connection have been told that it’s not safe to connect. Stay six feet apart. People can kill you with their germs. Don’t hug anyone. All perfectly valid for what we were going through and what we knew about the virus at the time, but very, VERY hard for our brains to reconcile. And very mentally exhausting, which means we have less energy for other things, even things we used to be “good” at, like switching quickly between tasks.
Take connection slowly and recognize that anything that was easy pre-Covid, like a happy hour or doing two things at one, will probably feel hard as we adjust to whatever it is we are becoming.
Manage Your Energy, Not Your Time. Here’s the good news. For the most part, you get to choose how you spend your time. I can hear you reading me your to-do list and I know you may not believe me, but it’s true. Most of the people reading this blog have extreme amounts of choice in their day. Be grateful for that. And change your thinking to manage your energy, not your time.
For example, if you know that you have to travel for work, or go into your office, or attend a happy hour - all things that take more energy now than before the pandemic - build in time to recover.
Notice what gives you energy and what saps your energy. For every one thing you do that takes your energy, try to do another that gives you energy. If going to the office exhausts you, maybe plan to have lunch that day with someone you miss. If you have to endure the nightmare that is travel in 2022, build in a day or two to recover afterwards.
Rest More Than You Think. You are not failing if you are tired. Let me say that again: You Are Not Failing. Stop telling yourself you should have more energy, or you should do more work, or you should exercise more. In coaching we like to say, “Stop shoulding all over yourself”. Rest when you feel like you need to rest. Do things that rejuvenate you (on my list: connecting with friends, being with my family, kayaking in beautiful places, and being creative). You really cannot rest too much right now. We all have a lot of stress to process and that takes energy. Give yourself permission to do what feels right for you.
My friends, it is going to take a lot of energy to restore our rights and our world. We need you at full strength. Rest now, cocoon, sleep, so that when you emerge we can collectively sweep up the shards and make something new and better out of the pieces.
Be well. And please do reach out if you need me. If I don’t pick up, it’s because I’m resting.
XO,
Patty